As most of you have probably noticed on more than one occassion, I have been a not-so dedicated blogger over the past little while. I was looking back at my archives and since the beginning of this summer I have only posted 14 times. Having my blog as my way to journal my daily activities, my girls' achievements and sometimes struggles, my thoughts on issues, and my family's happenings and doings, these few random posts have made me sad. Not sad because of the things that I have shared about these days, but the things that we have done as a family, my thoughts and struggles I have experienced over the past couple of months, our family's vacation, and even the few date nights and girls' lunches that have gone undocumented.
I have struggled with blogging since day one. I rack my brain for hours upon hours trying to come up with interesting titles and topics and when I finally come up with them, the creative writing I lack, haunts me as I sit at the computer for hours typing and then backspacing over and over again. I always wanted my blog to be our family's history and never thought about impressing other bloggers but I have found it difficult to blog about my daily thoughts and happenings when so many others have such interesting, creative posts I wish I could conjour up in my mind.
Not only has my lack of creativeness steered me away from blogging but I must confess that I have a condition that has also gotten in the way of me blogging the past four months. I have been keeping my condition a secret to most everyone, including my parents and family. I have always been the type to not tell much about myself to those around me including family. No matter how big or small "things" may be, I tend to want to just hold them close to me. It is also hard to find time to blog when Greg is home. The past month, since starting his practice he has been home every night. I feel guilty to plop myself in front of the computer for any length of time. Having him around now is such a blessing. Having him gone so much over the past six years and now him being here, I can honestly say there is nothing better.
Since my birthday, back in May I have held my condition close to me, only telling Greg. We were a bit taken back by this news and even brought many tears along with it, from me more so than Greg. It was hard to comprehend at first and then once the shock and fear subsided we were more than excited. My condition has caused me great tiredness, many days of feeling under the weather, less and less energy, shorter running distances, more frequent bathroom visits, etc. This condition left me frightened on a few occassions when I had to quickly find places for my girls to go so I could drive myself to the ER. Then and only then did I reveal this condition to Jenny, so she could care for my kids.
I know most of you are on the edge of your seat and maybe even reading ahead, to find out just what may be wrong with me. I am happy to announce my condition is a happy condition. It is that not only is baby #4 on it's way, BUT baby GIRL #4 is on her way, AND I'm half way to my due date. YEP, that's right I am twenty weeks along and she will be joining our family in January. I know this may catch some of you by surprise. It may sound strange that I kept this a secret not only from all of you but also our family. I always like to spread news like this in a creative way, and thought I would wait until we were on our Disney Cruise with my entire family and then I would spill the beans. Well, I hadn't gotten up the nerve,yes the nerve, to tell my girls before we left on vacation. My oldest daughter had a hard time dealing with the news she would be getting a third baby three years ago. I was even more scared that this time she would not only cry but maybe want to divorce me as her mother. I'm not sure why she or I had feelings like this but they were there. So when my girls didn't know about another baby joining our family, and the fear of them reacting in an UNexciting way, I thought if I could hide it while we were on the cruise then I would just wait awhile longer. I was 14 weeks along, not really having morning sickness any longer, but I was beginning to show signs of carrying something extra around. I have always been on the smaller side when I am first pregnant, thanks to a uterus that is tilted back and a deeper pelvis. My boobs on the other hand are not so easy to disguise. They are the first sign, even before a postive pregnancy test that I am expecting. By the end of the first trimester they have grown at least one cup size, so shirts that hide my news are few and far between. I could find shirts that fit better up top, but then I would look suspicious because I usually don't wear shirts that are baggy. I'm sure that would have been an obvious give away. My sister in law even almost spoiled my surprise while we were on the cruise. She asked if my swimsuit had extra padding in it, and of course I lied and said yes and opted not to wear that suit the rest of the trip. Every time I ate I had to go on and on about how I was eating too much and exercising to little because I was getting a pooch. At that point of my pregnancy my stomach would look pretty normal and then the moment I ate(even the smallest of meal) I would get a pooch. I have had many backaches for the past three months trying to suck my tummy in so no one would suspect anything. I would find myself so tense and trying so hard to hide my condition that I would come home and fall on the bed in compete relaxation.
Our baby at 12 weeks
We succeeded in keeping our secret while we were on the cruise. I was then fifteen weeks along. My family was five hours away, I thought surely I could hold out another month and find out what I was having, and then have a bigger and better surprise to reveal. My sister and my parents decided to come visit us the weekend when I was seventeen weeks along. I was stressed again that my secret would be found out, in a noncreative way. I prepared myself for 48 hours of eating small amounts and standing with great posture, sucking in my tummy, and wearing black shirts to camaflouge my growing chest. My family came and went and didn't notice a thing. I had pulled it off once again, but started getting nervous that everyone wouldn't be as excited as I thought, about our surprise. I almost dreaded telling everyone.
I was scheduled for my ultrasound when I was eighteen weeks and a few days along, but a few days before, I began having Braxton Hicks contractions. I would have a normal stomach and then in a matter of seconds I would look like I was six months along. I couldn't eat a normal meal without pain, I had to unbutton my pants, and lay the passenger seat back while riding in the car to lessen my pain. I didn't sleep for a few nights and Greg convinced me to go into the hospital to get checked. I spent the entire day on a Saturday in the OB triage having ultrasounds, ct scans, IVs, a cathetar, and telling my problems to med students, residents, nurses, and attending physicians. Finally, after eight hours I was sent home with a diagnosis of renal cholic. Not exactly sure what that entails, but I understood it as being dehydrated to the point that my kidneys were developing kidney stones and this was causing my contractions. I was ordered to stop working out so much, and if I did, to do things that didn't cause me to sweat to the point where I get dehydrated. I have almost drank myself sick of water, and found myself craving diet cokes often. I have had will power to limit my diet coke intake to about one a day and replaced it with lots and lots of water.
Rewind to half way through my hospital stay, I sent Greg home to be with the girls. We decided it would be a great time to tell them they would be sisters again and maybe I would get a little bit of sympathy. He told them the news and surprisingly they were excited. He then took them to Chuck E Cheese to celebrate the beginning of school and the new baby. After they ate and played to their hearts content, they stopped and boguht me flowers and then picked me up at the hospital. They were all smiles in the car and were obviously excited to see me and talk about the new baby.
We decided to make the girls more excited about me being pregnant, by taking them to the ultrasound. Greg met us there and of course we waited for a while. Finally, we were told we were not expecting the boy Greg always dreamed of but adding more pink to our family. I have always loved girls and was nervous at the possibility of having to learn about boys. It would have been fun to experience a boy, to finally use our family name we picked out ten years ago when I was pregnant the first time, and for the Gordon name to go on(Greg was the only son of an only Gordon son).
We told our girls they couldn't tell anyone until we were ready to start spreading the news. The two older ones understood this but found it difficult to not tell their friends. I was a bit concerned about our youngest understanding the "do not tell" that everytime she talked to my mom or anyone in our family I coached her on what to say. I had to tell little fibs, like Grammy's working, several times so she wouldn't call a family member. We finally came up with our creative reveal and sent a baby girl flower arrangement to my mom and Greg's mom. I came up with the idea, since our baby will be the eighth grandchild on both sides, for them to place eight roses in the arrangement along with other flowers. I also had the florist write this cheesy poem on the card:
We hope our news will
make you shout GREAT!
In a few short months you will
be Grammy/Nana to #8!!
Love, MAG(our girls' initials)
Well everything was good until the initials were turned into NAG. My mom was starting an IV when someone called her to the nurses station to see her flowers. She couldn't figure out why she would be getting flowers and immediately started reading into everything in and around the flowers. She called me and I was out of the car getting my girls' from school. She then called my sister and she obviously had no idea what my mom was talking about, so my mom knew they my sister wasn't the one expecting. Then she called my sister in law who was not available to answer the phone. She was stressed out to say the least. She then decided to call Greg, who also couldn't answer his phone. Finally Greg called her back and she was excited and nervous at the same time. Meanwhile Greg's mom received her flowers and did the call around, just like my Mom did. No one knew what was going on and finally when Greg talked to her and told her it was true, our fourth girl was well on her way to our family, she was beyond excited.
Today -20 weeks &2 days
So here I am twenty weeks along in my pregnancy announcing this to all of blogger land. I'm sure my phone will start ringing from friends that haven't heard our exciting news. We feel so blessed to add another sweet spirit to our family. Our girls all have a unique look, one not looking alot like another. I can't wait to see who she resembles and shower her with hugs, kisses, and much love. We look forward to meeting her in just twenty more weeks.
Massive wasp nests that were on our swingset
Foot next to head at 21 weeks and a few days.
