My Maryn

I have been listening to Maryn a lot lately. Her vocabulary and abilty to speak in sentences has drastically increased over the past couple of months. Although this is exciting to actually know what she wants or needs, it also is a bit saddening to me. It seems like just yesterday I found out I was pregnant. I just assumed she would be a boy because even though I was sick, it wasn't as bad as it was with the others. Even though I wanted a boy for Greg's sake, I quietly hope for another girl. After a couple of ultrasounds and being told it may be a boy I convinced myself, it wouldn't be that bad. The day I had my official ultrasound, was the same morning of Greg's great-grandmother's funeral. I was alone that morning, when the doctor said to me, "It looks like your daughters are going to have another sister." I was shocked but in a happy way. A house full of girls is what I always wanted, but then I was a bit sad knowing Greg wouldn't be having a son.

I can remember every moment of being in the hospital waiting for her to be born. Beauiful memories I hold close to my heart. Then she learned to hold her head up, was sitting up, crawling, and then walking before I knew it. Not long after those things happened she started oohing and aaghing more. Then came the babble stage, followed close behind with the "NO", "STOP IT", & "I DO IT" stage. We have been, and in some ways are still in the "L's" are prounounced "W's" "K's" & "C's" sound like "T's" but she has definitely become quite a chatty Kathy. Her newest thing she has started is putting the "uh" sound on the end of everything she says. "Mommy-uh", Daddy-uh, stop it-uh, milk-uh. I don't know if everyone elses kids have ever done this but all of mine have and sometimes it gets annoying. I just want to scream stop it with the UGH sounds. But then I stop myself, knowing once she stops saying it, she probably won't go back to it.

We dove head first into potty training a couple of weeks ago, since she hadn't wet her pullup in over a month. Why wait so long, you might be asking? Well, I've been a little lazy, when you start this process, that means every public palce you go in there's a 95% chance you'll be seeing the nasty bathrooms they have. Also, she is my baby, which means when I potty train her, she would be that much more of a big girl, and I have been wanting to avoid that. At first, she wasn't too keen on the panty thing. "No! pull up Mommy!" was her request for the first few days. Finally she liked the panty idea when I took her to pick out her very own at Target. Surprisingly, she chose Curious George ones. After she got her panties, things turned around and she no longer wanted to wear pullups, not even at night!! So now I've been waking her up before I go to bed and letting her go potty, and then she usually wakes up around 330 or 400 to go. This can be a good thing and a bad thing. The good thing is I haven't had to change her sheets on days I'm not scheduled to. The bad thing is she won't go back to her bed after the 330 am potty break. She ends up in our bed the rest of the night. Not my idea of fun, but it's just where we are right now in the transition.

My parents came to visit this past weekend, and have been saying they wanted to take her home with them for a week or so, sometime. I wasn't prepared for this. Even though I expected them to ask to take her, I silently hoped they wouldn't. After, saying last week, how I needed to get a sitter for her during the day sometimes, I wish she was here with me now. I cried all afternoon on Sunday wanting her back with me. I walked around wanting to find a toy she had left out, so I could pick it up, I went in her room and sat in the floor looking at her stuff while tears streamed down my face. I sat there thinking, how it must feel a million times worse, for parents who lose children and go and sit in their rooms never wanting to move anything or change anything. I missed her more in a few hours than I thought was possible. I just wanted to snuggle her, kiss her, here her say mommy-uh, anything! I just wanted her.

Now that it has been a few days, I still miss her, but am gald she is able to spend time with Grammy & Poppy and her aunts and uncles, and cousins. Having been sick this week it has been nice to have time to just relax, and not have to worry about her spending too much time in front of the t.v. so I can rest.

We play this game all day long, and I'm not sure when it started. I remember playing it with my other girls, but not real sure how it came about. Whenever Greg comes home, comes over and hugs me, if the girls are watching or are at his feet, he'll say "My Mommy", and they repeat, "My Mommy" and it goes on FOREVER or until I change it to "My Daddy". Then it goes on, and, on, and on, with "My Daddy" going back and forth. The of course we make our rounds around to all of the girls. "My Mackenzi", "My Mackenzi"-"My Maci, "My Maci"- "My Maryn", "My Maryn"!! The funny thing is Maryn, Luke and Weston, play this silly "game"(if you want to call it a game with them) every morning on our walk. It gets down right ugly with them saying, "My Mommy, NO! My Mommy" for 45 minutes, until Jenny & I are ready to SCREAM!!

Without my walking buddy, I've had to get a substitute so I feel like I'm getting a workout and not just out for a SUnday stroll. Three of Greg's orthopedic books weigh about as much as Maryn so I've been pushing them on my 3 mile walk every morning. Of course I cover them up so I don't look too terrible crazy. But, looking at myself every morning, I'm sure the people that see me "smothering my baby" are really thinking I'm crazy! I am ready for my walking weight to return, she's definitely cuter and more entertaining than the fracture books.

I am happy to watch Maryn learn new things and change but also so sad that my baby, isn't that much of a baby anymore. I have told serveral people I would freeze her at this age if I could. Yes, even in the terrible two stage. I love her needing me, wanting my help, her snuggles, kisses, our one on one time during the day. I want to keep her just the way she is right now, forever. Knowing this isn't possible, I'll just continue to cherish every moment with her. Whether it be a tantrum, a kiss, a "No Mommy, I do it", an "I wuv you", a scream, a laugh...EVERYTHING, I want to hold close to my heart. A lesson I have learned is to enjoy the "nows" and don't wish them away too soon. Once their gone, they're gone.

My Maryn, I love you and miss you and can't wait to see your beautiful blue eyes, hear your sweet giggle, feel your sqeezes, and hear you say, "My Mommy My Daddy, My Tenzi, My Maci, My Maryn!"