"I've Been Weaned"

Is this sad or what? For those who don't know me or about my breastfeeding challenges I will fill you in. With my first daughter I breastfed her but she was a VERY fussy baby and seemed to never quit nursing. She would be latched on for an hour at a time and then an hour or two later she would want to eat again. So I started supplementing formula but continued to breastfeed. I never could figure out what was wrong so I just continued to do this until she was nine and a half months old when she weaned herself.

Then our second daughter came along almost four weeks early and even though she weighed over six pounds she was tiny. She seemed to have a difficult time latching on and feeding for very long. She didn't gain much weight the first few weeks so I decided to buy one of the expensive Medela breastpumps so I could see how much milk she was actually getting. To my amazement my milk did not come out very well. (I'm sorry this is graphic). I had to turn the pump suction on as hard and fast as it would go and then squeeze myself and still it seemed to only fill the bottle one drip at a time. It got a little easier over time and I continued to do this for eight months. I knew there was no way she would ever be able to nurse enough to get full and grow. This is when I finally realized my first daughter had been starving even though she stayed latched on, she nursed for an hour because that is how long it took her to get enough to satisfy her.

After our third daughter came along I again attempted to nurse and she seemed to do okay with it but I just felt better pumping and then bottle feeding so I could visually see how much she was taking in. My milk supply was the best this last time and I had enough milk to get about a month supply ahead. I continued to pump for over a year(I know this sounds crazy but I liked having the extra calorie burning) and finally "weaned" the pump last summer.

Sadly, I was cleaning out our extra freezer in the garage this morning for some friends in our ward who are moving, to store some of their stuff and found a bag full of my supply. It was dated last May. I couldn't believe I had let this precious stuff that took lots of time to get, go to waste. I wonder if I could have made some $ off of it? Just kidding. It was hard to part with it(I don't really know why it's not like I was going to use it) but I snapped a couple of pictures and put it out in the trash before the garbage truck came this morning. It was like throwing away a part of me and my memories with my almost two year old.