Sunday, March 25, 2007

Just A Mom

Today I was flying solo at church. Greg was on call all weekend. It wasn't bad until last night when he got called in around 9:30. After getting home around 11:30 we headed off to dreamland...for only about 20 minutes when Mackenzi woke us up not feeling well. I stumbled out of bed to assist her for a few minutes then was back to my slumber. Greg's phone rang around 2 something but I didn't really come to, so I thought all was well. He woke me a little while later and said is was going to "such and such" hospital(I didn't remember which one). I groggily told him to be careful and I loved him and off he went. It was around 3:15 by this point and I thought he would be home in an hour or so. Wrong! I woke up at 4:30 and he wasn't back in bed. I dozed off again and sat up suddenly wide awake at about three minutes before 5 and he still wasn't home. I jumped out of bed to see if he was sleeping on the couch, but he wasn't. I checked to see if he had just taken his stuff to sleep at the hospital but everything was left home so I assumed he would be coming home. I thought of calling but worried I would wake him if I called. I went through the whole "falling asleep at the wheel scenerio" and had my self worried awake for the rest of the "night". I was even "WAITING" on the doorbell to ring and someone standing there waiting to tell me Greg had been in an accident. I was panicking. I tried to rest hoping all was well but couldn't. Finally, at almost 8 AM! he calls to let me know where he is. His one patient turned into three difficult patients, then he decided to round at another hospital while waiting for a surgery to begin at another. Why on earth didn't you call me and tell me you were okay? His response is always the same no matter how many times I tell him to just call. "I didn't want to wake you up." Please, Wake me? I'm scared spitless that something has happened and am so far from sleeping it's crazy. Just call me. It's much easier to fall back to sleep when you are aware of what's happening than to lay there trying to even remember which hospital he said he was going to, let alone worrying if he has fallen asleep while driving.

Back to my be alone at church. I decided to fast today. Not really having prepared myself(for some reason I need to motivate my self to accomplish this feat) but decided I needed to do this today. I headed out to church just as Greg was coming home. He insisted he would meet us there but I told him to stay home and get some sleep. I made it to church ALMOST on time, they were saying the opening prayer. We found our seats and as soon as we did, Maci asked me if she could bear her testimony. I told her no, but in the middle of saying it I said if you want to, sure go ahead. Can you come with me? No I can't bear mine today because daddy isn't here. The last time I did it he wasn't there either and I haven't heard the end of that yet. I rarely get up and when I finally decided to Greg was home sleeping after working all night. Maci insisted I come with her but I reassured her she could do it alone. We were sitting fairly close anyway, but I could tell she was nervous. Thankfully Doug happened to be walking Jared up, and Maci says, "I'll just go sit with them." So off she went, so confident. She shared her simple testimony and returned back to her seat all smiles. I was so proud of her and I knew she was proud of herself, too.

Most of the testimonies were about everyday things. One girl described "getting lost" while hiking with her kids after they chose a different path to take than the main one. She described how easy it is to get distracted and led away from where we are going, but if we pray and have faith we can just as easily get back on the right path. Several primary children other than Maci and Jared got up and shared the things they believe and were so sweet. Even though they are such simple words they remind us of the basics. Then our primary president got up and said how blessed she felt being able to work with the children(as do I.) She then proceeded to say, "this is such a weird thing to bare testimony of, but I wanted to say Satan is real. Just as real as Heavenly Father." She talked about how he may not tempt us with "big" things but he sometimes get us to do small things wrong that leads us on to doing bigger things. I sat there agreeing in my mind how each day he may not convince us to do something terrible, but just having negative thoughts or being in a bad mood leads me off of my path. Another girl got up and added to the hiking story and then agreed with how real Satan is. She talked about how lately she has questioned what her purpose is. My ears perked up and I listened harder as she shared how she had worked since she was 15. She moved to Texas 2 1/2 years ago and married a guy from our ward. She has an eight year old daughter from a previous marriage. A little over a ear ago, on THanksgiving she was almost nine months pregnant when she noticed the baby wasn't moving. She later had to deliver her daughter that no longer had a heart beat. She just recently gave birth to a healthy little boy. She finds herself struggling when people ask what she does. She automatically says, "OH I'M JUST A MOM BUT I USED TO BE THIS..." She continued to say how so many times moms and stay at home moms are taken for granted. Why can't the world, including us stay at home moms, realize how important our roles as being moms are? I almost needed to pinch myslef to make sure I wasn't the one up there speaking. This is one thing I srtuggle with everyday. I beat myself up each day dwelling on the college degree I never got, the job I never succeeded at, and feeling embarrassed when we meet someone from Greg's work and they for some weird reason, assume I do something medical,too. Why can't my husband love me and marry me just because I'm a good person. I have no idea why they think professionals are only attracted to professionals. Instead I need to realize how important of a job I have in being a mom and say with pride what i do each day. I may not be the best mom but I try my best at being a best mom.

Simple testimonies, but definitely ones I needed to hear, especially today. So for all of us moms, remember when someone asks you what you do, leave the JUST out of it, and proudly announce that we are MOMS, trying our best to succeed at the most difficult and most rewarding job there is. Heavenly Father has faith that we will raise up our children to be righteous, loving, caring, and serving people. No other job to I wish I had, than the one of being a mother. How blessed I am to have three beautiful girls that never call me "Just Mom". They only call me "Mom"~"Their Mom."

13 comments:

Jenny said...

I thought testimony meeting was good today too. And I was majorly impressed Maci got up so confident and did such a great job bearing her little sweet testimony.

Hey, I have a degree and it's pretty much been useless (since I haven't ever needed it) Thanks for the reminder on motherhood. It's by far the hardest job I think I could ever do--and the pay is priceless. How could you ever put an amount on hugs, kisses and the sayings they do?

donna said...

It sound like you had a great testimony meeting. I always enjoy a wonderful testimony meeting.

What a great post on motherhood. I also think is it the hardest job, but it is also the best job. I just read a wonderful story in the April Ensign today. It is called “Mother Come Home”. I think every mother to read it.
I hope you have a great Sunday!

Elizabeth said...

Angie, what a beautiful post. I always find myself answering the question of what I do wrong. Like I just stay home. Just stay home, what an understatement. I always think later why I said it that way when I do realize how important it is.

Christen said...

Hi Angie,
I've been a lurker for some time now and I need to comment! First, love your blog, love how honest you are and I think your girls are darling!

I loved this post... I have a 10 month old daughter, so this mommy thing is new to me. I do have a degree and worked for a few years and I can tell you that NOTHING compares to being a mother -- it is the greatest calling in life and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Thank you for sharing your testimony. :)

Jill said...

What a great meeting you had today and what a sweet post from you. Aren't you so glad you were there? Do you ever wonder what you miss when you're not there?

It's hard not feel like you're "just a mom" when the world wants us to define ourselves with other labels, but we know that's the important job we can do and that Satan is doing everything he can to ruin families. My sister Robyn has a great post about this right now, you might want to check out her blog too.
http://robynakenhead.blogspot.com/2007/03/talk-prep.html

Kari said...

Oh this is all SO true!! I mentioned stay at home Moms in my post today too.

Thanks for this post today, I really needed it!! Hope you have a great week!!

Dana said...

Angie-
This post is a great reminder to take pride in the work we do as mothers.

Thank you for it!

Anna said...

Yeah for you! Your thoughts today are right on! I've been on both sides of the fence...college degree/professional carreer and now being a mom...being a MOM is harder any day than going to the office!

Bridget said...

Great post! My Bible study recently read a book reminding us about the importance of moms and their role in our faith. It was a wonderful reminder of how important my job is to my family. Thanks for the uplifting thoughts!

carlo said...

oh angie, i have tears from this post. you are so right. the testimony is so right.

i have found myself putting the just in front of a mom sometimes but i am so much more confident about it now but if i am being honest, it is still a struggle somedays when i see scott gaining more and more professional kudos, while I know I am not. Or even with my college friends moving up in their careers...WE have such an important job but it isn't always valued and that stinks.

You are so right on the point that we are lucky to be home and we are doing the toughest job in the world. 100% correct on that. and our perks far outweigh any perks of the "working" world. thank you for taking time to write this...

Kristin said...

I don't know how you doctors wives do it!! Glad your husband was ok and just a very hard worker.

Thanks for the reminder on motherhood. It truly is the most important job we can do. What I love about the blogging world is that it puts us in touch with other women all over the country who are talented, smart, contributing stay-at-home moms. I am reminded each and every day how FABULOUS we stay-at-home moms are!!

I love the picture of you and your daughters in the blue bonnets!!

Janet said...

I am impressed at you stay-at-home moms. I don't think I could do it. I have always said that I need to work at least a couple times a week for my own sanity-to get away and socialize and do the job that I love. I know I will love being a mom, but I am sure it is the toughest job ever. It is so wonderful that you are able to stay at home and do so much with your girls-it is definitely a blessing;)

michelle said...

Wonderful thoughts. I have had struggles along these lines as well, but I think I have finally come to a point where I can be happy with being "just a mom". As my grandma says, there is no job that is more difficult, even president of the United States!