Just A Mom

Today I was flying solo at church. Greg was on call all weekend. It wasn't bad until last night when he got called in around 9:30. After getting home around 11:30 we headed off to dreamland...for only about 20 minutes when Mackenzi woke us up not feeling well. I stumbled out of bed to assist her for a few minutes then was back to my slumber. Greg's phone rang around 2 something but I didn't really come to, so I thought all was well. He woke me a little while later and said is was going to "such and such" hospital(I didn't remember which one). I groggily told him to be careful and I loved him and off he went. It was around 3:15 by this point and I thought he would be home in an hour or so. Wrong! I woke up at 4:30 and he wasn't back in bed. I dozed off again and sat up suddenly wide awake at about three minutes before 5 and he still wasn't home. I jumped out of bed to see if he was sleeping on the couch, but he wasn't. I checked to see if he had just taken his stuff to sleep at the hospital but everything was left home so I assumed he would be coming home. I thought of calling but worried I would wake him if I called. I went through the whole "falling asleep at the wheel scenerio" and had my self worried awake for the rest of the "night". I was even "WAITING" on the doorbell to ring and someone standing there waiting to tell me Greg had been in an accident. I was panicking. I tried to rest hoping all was well but couldn't. Finally, at almost 8 AM! he calls to let me know where he is. His one patient turned into three difficult patients, then he decided to round at another hospital while waiting for a surgery to begin at another. Why on earth didn't you call me and tell me you were okay? His response is always the same no matter how many times I tell him to just call. "I didn't want to wake you up." Please, Wake me? I'm scared spitless that something has happened and am so far from sleeping it's crazy. Just call me. It's much easier to fall back to sleep when you are aware of what's happening than to lay there trying to even remember which hospital he said he was going to, let alone worrying if he has fallen asleep while driving.

Back to my be alone at church. I decided to fast today. Not really having prepared myself(for some reason I need to motivate my self to accomplish this feat) but decided I needed to do this today. I headed out to church just as Greg was coming home. He insisted he would meet us there but I told him to stay home and get some sleep. I made it to church ALMOST on time, they were saying the opening prayer. We found our seats and as soon as we did, Maci asked me if she could bear her testimony. I told her no, but in the middle of saying it I said if you want to, sure go ahead. Can you come with me? No I can't bear mine today because daddy isn't here. The last time I did it he wasn't there either and I haven't heard the end of that yet. I rarely get up and when I finally decided to Greg was home sleeping after working all night. Maci insisted I come with her but I reassured her she could do it alone. We were sitting fairly close anyway, but I could tell she was nervous. Thankfully Doug happened to be walking Jared up, and Maci says, "I'll just go sit with them." So off she went, so confident. She shared her simple testimony and returned back to her seat all smiles. I was so proud of her and I knew she was proud of herself, too.

Most of the testimonies were about everyday things. One girl described "getting lost" while hiking with her kids after they chose a different path to take than the main one. She described how easy it is to get distracted and led away from where we are going, but if we pray and have faith we can just as easily get back on the right path. Several primary children other than Maci and Jared got up and shared the things they believe and were so sweet. Even though they are such simple words they remind us of the basics. Then our primary president got up and said how blessed she felt being able to work with the children(as do I.) She then proceeded to say, "this is such a weird thing to bare testimony of, but I wanted to say Satan is real. Just as real as Heavenly Father." She talked about how he may not tempt us with "big" things but he sometimes get us to do small things wrong that leads us on to doing bigger things. I sat there agreeing in my mind how each day he may not convince us to do something terrible, but just having negative thoughts or being in a bad mood leads me off of my path. Another girl got up and added to the hiking story and then agreed with how real Satan is. She talked about how lately she has questioned what her purpose is. My ears perked up and I listened harder as she shared how she had worked since she was 15. She moved to Texas 2 1/2 years ago and married a guy from our ward. She has an eight year old daughter from a previous marriage. A little over a ear ago, on THanksgiving she was almost nine months pregnant when she noticed the baby wasn't moving. She later had to deliver her daughter that no longer had a heart beat. She just recently gave birth to a healthy little boy. She finds herself struggling when people ask what she does. She automatically says, "OH I'M JUST A MOM BUT I USED TO BE THIS..." She continued to say how so many times moms and stay at home moms are taken for granted. Why can't the world, including us stay at home moms, realize how important our roles as being moms are? I almost needed to pinch myslef to make sure I wasn't the one up there speaking. This is one thing I srtuggle with everyday. I beat myself up each day dwelling on the college degree I never got, the job I never succeeded at, and feeling embarrassed when we meet someone from Greg's work and they for some weird reason, assume I do something medical,too. Why can't my husband love me and marry me just because I'm a good person. I have no idea why they think professionals are only attracted to professionals. Instead I need to realize how important of a job I have in being a mom and say with pride what i do each day. I may not be the best mom but I try my best at being a best mom.

Simple testimonies, but definitely ones I needed to hear, especially today. So for all of us moms, remember when someone asks you what you do, leave the JUST out of it, and proudly announce that we are MOMS, trying our best to succeed at the most difficult and most rewarding job there is. Heavenly Father has faith that we will raise up our children to be righteous, loving, caring, and serving people. No other job to I wish I had, than the one of being a mother. How blessed I am to have three beautiful girls that never call me "Just Mom". They only call me "Mom"~"Their Mom."